National Coming Out Day

National Coming Out Day

Most people associate National Coming Out Day with Gay & Lesbians but for me in the LGBT community it takes on a different meaning as a transgender woman. I first started transitioning in the second grade and living a double life. At home I would pretend to be what my parents wanted and when I was at school I would be honest but be bullied for it. I can remember many occasions when I complained to administration or teachers and they all said the same thing: stop being yourself and you won't have the problem.

I often wish I could hold the 7 year old version of me in my arms and tell her that she is loved unconditionally. Additionally let her know that despite the psychological damage inflicted upon me by other children, and the physical abuse I had to endure everyday, someday it would be much worse. Its no wonder that we lie to our children and tell them that it gets better. Why would you want to grow up if you knew that life was going to be just as hard if not worse?

Studies show us that 41 percent of trans people commit suicide by age 30, 86 percent endure daily abuses at home or work, 40 percent are unemployed or unemployable, 3 out of 4 have been raped or sexually assaulted, and many are without stable housing. How would I let the 7 year old version of me know not to give up but that it gets worse as you get older? In some states I’m not even allowed to use the restroom or retain a job in America. Yet, I’m expected to be patriotic, and love my country all at the same time.

How would I tell her that most of your friends and family won't understand and that you'll live a very lonely existence in a society that neither wants you, or will give you equal rights? All that I could offer her is that it doesn't get better at all, but you get stronger. You start to realize the way people behave, bully, legislate, and discriminate have nothing to do with you. They are in fact the ones that are broken, insecure, unstable, and live their life in a constant state of fear. Fear of minorities, women, and educated folks who want to make a difference in society.

Almost every great civil rights leader has been murdered because the idea that freedom, love, and peace are so threatening to people who are unable to use their sociological imagination to envision a society that plays together, gets along, and lives in harmony with nature. However just because they are unable to live an honest life, one full of joy and happiness doesn’t mean you can't pursue yours. You are entitled to live in a society that is free of violence against you, a significant other that loves you, and a place where you can rest at night, without fear of repercussions.

I would plead with her that some pretty shitty things will happen so that you can stay alive but that your past does not define you. A rose is still a rose, no matter what it goes though. Don't let oppression make you feel like you need to identify with it. You do not need to become a self-fulfilling prophecy just because the institutions that were supposed to help you, are designed to oppressed you instead. That just because the majority of who you encounter with will make you feel ugly, shameful, and sad, doesn't mean you need to believe them. What they think, and how they treat others, defines them, not you.

I would then kiss her on the cheek and tell her that no matter what, even when you are just surviving, you are inspiring others not to give up. You will educate others so that 7 year olds, 30 years from now will have an easier life than what you lived. Its okay to survive. You will overcome despite adversity. Coming out is the bravest thing you will ever do, just never look back because even if you're moving forward you're still advancing towards your dreams.