RIP Debra Thayer Lund

 Debra was a very special friend of mine. Our friendship began in 2003 when we both worked at Verizon Wireless together. She was a gem on the phone, a hard worker and someone who always did her job correctly. Sadly after about 6 months she left to go back to work in the real estate market and we lost touch for a few years. That didn't stop me from sending Christmas cards every year and occasionally talking on the phone.

Sometimes it was painfully hard to be her friend because she also suffered from depression, anxiety and other health problems. Sometimes she mirrored me too much and that was too painful to deal with. So I would have to keep our

conversations short sometimes. Especially back when we all still used dial up internet and she could go on & on for days. I feel absolutely terrible for saying that. It makes me feel small, selfish and insignificant for saying that but its the truth. I also had battles to deal with and sometimes it was too much like the ones I was already fighting.

About once a year we would go out to dinner and then for about 3 years she stopped being a presence on the internet and I became very worried for her. As it turned out she was having some very serious medical problems and was living with relatives. As it turns out they kicked her out and gave her just days to leave so I took her in when she was homeless. We lived together for about 6 months until we could get her into an assisted care facility.

We fought sometimes but mostly because it was a small apartment and we lived very different lives. She was best when her husband was around because he filled in her gaps. Plus she was very ill and illness does things to people that makes them irritable. That can be for you and them sometimes. It doesn't matter. I wish there was more I could have done but over the next two years we kept in touch online and met up a few times for lunch, in the hospital when she was really ill, and then the last time I saw her she attended my birthday party a few weeks ago.

I had grown accustom to seeing Debra ill that I didn't really recognize how ill she really was the last time I saw her. I did see some major bruising and she told me that she was in kidney failure and it was from the dialysis. I did notice that they had switched her mental health meds around because she was a little.....off. I thought to myself, why is she on such a strong dose? Is she dealing with something larger?

Keep in mind it hasn't hit me that kidney failure is a big deal. I just assumed that at 47 she could kick its ass and we'd all be laughing about it someday. Besides the last time I talked to her she had lost over 70 lbs but she was getting some bone testing done for some reason. I've reached out to her family but haven't gotten much of a response. Im sure they are still in mourning as well.

She died three weeks ago but I just learned about it last night after "Drag Queen Bingo." I was an absolute wreck and woke up Alex to tell him not to log on until he talked to me. I didn't want him to learn through my posting. All day I've been wracking my brain about how I could have been a better friend, a better supporter and advocate for Debra. She was an AMAZING person.

Very kind hearten, soft spoken, giggly, almost childlike in how she approached life's adventures but she suffered a lot the last 5 years. Im guessing and I'll correct this later if I am wrong but Im guessing that between her kidneys and diabetes her body just gave out. Her life is a huge wake up call to me because my diabetes is getting better and Im loosing weight but I need to take it a lot more serious.

It seems to me that I am making this all about myself and that isn't my intention either. I cannot stand it when other people go through things, or families go through things and the friends make it all about themselves. Thats disgusting to me. Im a very sensitive person though and I've always considered her a part of my family.

We have been through a lot together. She gave me some wonderful advice that got me through my 20's and 30's. She was the one who broke the news to me that Whitney Houston had died. She was there when my dog Betty died. We talked on the phone when I lost some of my jobs. Her death just doesn't seem real to me. Im in denial in a huge way.

Debra was a big foodie just like me and we were always exchanging recipes, reviews for places we've ate at, and what I'll miss the most (other than her friendship of course) is just sharing a meal with her and talking. She was an amazing listener, friend and wife. I know she is no longer in pain and she is among the stars now but today and maybe longer Im going to be selfish and be in mourning. My mind just cannot wrap around this. It feels like I should still be able to pick up the phone and call her. Email her, or stop by her care facility.

She once came into my house and put angels all over my house. I wish I had those damn things now. She can be all of our angel now that she's crossed over to the other side. I loved you Debra, and I will forever miss your smile, giggle and friendship.

Love,
SVJ