Sometimes when suffering with mental illness the best we can hope for is making it through the night and last night was one of those nights. It was very dark, and I felt like killing myself a lot. My life right now makes me ponder my existence and if I am making a difference. So much around me is going wrong and I feel (other than my therapist) there is nobody to talk to that isn't going to ascribe a stigma, judgement or give me a load of bull shit like "think happy thoughts."
Today I am sustained. Journaling is helping, and so is keeping busy. I had an appointment with a RNP that has been assigned to help me with my mental health meds. She was a gem in my day.
I wish there was a drop in center for the mentally ill. Not a place where you get hospitalized or even a place ran by MD's or RN's but a place where you could be surrounded by fellow 'nuts' who are suffering to get by as well. We had one in Montana but unfortunately I don't live there anymore so that resource isn't available to me.
I suppose I will sit here sustained until my medication gets better or I hang myself from the balcony. Whichever comes first I guess-
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