Invisible

In addition to all the other stuff mentally ill people have to deal with I think the most troubling for me is that it makes you invisible. The stigma is there, don't get me wrong but its the idea that you don't exist while you're suffering that is the worst valley to walk. When you are in crisis, or suffering nobody wants to be your friend.

Suddenly you have turned into Debby Downer and nobody wants to be around you because you bring down their upbeat, positive outlook on life. It seems as if you fade away into the background and everybody does everything to not make eye contact. Its too intimate to them because then they would have to face that someone is suffering.

Its got to be frustrating as well for them because its not something that they can fight, or rally against. Its a struggle thats going on in someone else's brain. A fight that only that person and some well trained medical professionals (hopefully) will help battle. Unfortunately our friends and family are left feeling helpless as well because there isn't much they can do or say.

I would add though that its comforting to have people say that they see you struggling, however ugly that may be at the time. Its helpful to me to also have people make eye contact, hug me and tell me that this darkness is going to pass. Its supremely helpful to get phone calls, letters and cards telling me that I matter but its not something we do in this culture.

Hallmark doesn't have a get well soon for your mental illness card section. Its all for people with a case of the sniffles and everybody essentially knows that its going to pass. What they don't know is when it is going to pass and depression or mental illness is the same way.

Today I feel invisible,
SVJ