Some people say suicide is the ultimate selfish act and go onto say that they don't 'understand it." I would challenge people to honestly look within and throughout society and ask themselves what is so freaking fabulous and wonderful about being alive? I would also respond and ask what is so entertaining about staying alive?
I have struggled my whole life and then combined with this is my social status, wealth problems, personal struggle, medical issues and the cultural identity society ascribes to me. If everything is uphill, all the time, and you live with chronic pain, what is so fabulous about continuing on?
Ugh.... its probably the depression talking. Fuck my life, and fuck my thoughts.
Trying to survive another day,
SVJ
Sometimes being alive is hard. Lots of times. But you only get one life. The rough spots don't last forever. Chronic pain is awful. Doctors and medications can only do so much. Maybe medical Marijuana? Feel better soon. Try to stay strong. Cuddle your fur babies. Pray.
ReplyDeleteThanks. Mostly I just say my most "forbidden" thoughts in this blog to get them out of my head but I do have a follow up visit with my MD on Friday next week. I will definitely report back and I will keep loving my girls, Alex, and hanging out with my parents a lot. They don't know whats going on because Im hanging out all the time but I think they sense whats going on and just put up with me LMAO (dark humor) Thank you for your friendship, it means a lot to me-
ReplyDeleteHave you ever thought about talking to your mom about things? Sometimes that can be really therapeutic. It might make you two feel even closer together too. You're welcome also for the friendship :) Sorry I don't call. I really really don't like talking on the phone lol and it's hard with Hank anyways. He thinks if I'm on the phone it means he needs to do everything possible to get me to pay attention to him ;)
ReplyDeleteMy mom.... hmm. I have to be careful about what I print on that subject. I love my mom with all my heart but she has enough stress in her life that I shield her from most of what goes on in my head. I do however share lil progress reports with her about med changes and general mood. I do not however tell her when im in crisis but I do hang out with her to protect myself from doing anything stupid. Its okay if you can't call but the feed back on my blogs/posts etc is far than enough. Sometimes I feel like I write to "get it all out" and sometimes I feel like I write to cry for help. It depends on the day but when i do see someone had read my blog (even if they don't respond) I feel like I've been "heard" or that Im comforted by the thought of someone taking the time to peer into my mind for a second. Im not sure that makes sense but I hope it does-
ReplyDelete